I hope I pass my driving test. I really want my partner to love me forever. I really hope my guests enjoy the meal I’ve spent all day preparing.
If we didn’t have hopes and desires in life, what sort of world would we live in. Quite a depressing one i’m sure as the future would seem so bleak without any hope, sense of achievement or dreams for what the future may bring. Desires are healthy and useful.
But what happens when we are more rigid in our thinking by demanding of ourselves that we MUST do well and win the approval of others.
We become more self conscious and we compare ourselves to others. We may work extra hard and longer hours to impress the boss. We may fear negative judgement about our clothes, level of education, achievements and popularity.
Suddenly we find we need to be the perfect all-rounder and want to do and be everything!
All this worry can lead to a meltdown or a mid life crisis. It’s no wonder you see so much evidence of mental health becoming a publicised topic with an emphasis on mindfulness to reduce high levels of anxiety.
What happens when you get a cooking bowl out and mix a heaped tablespoon of desire with a heaped tablespoon of pressure along with all the ingredients for the ideal outcome and cook it for 30 mins at 200c with the judgement I MUST do well. Well, in my own experience, it’s a recipe for disaster!
What you are making here is a rigid, inflexible demand telling yourself “I MUST do well”.
If you find yourself worrying about all these things, you may need some assistance.
1. Adopt a more realistic accepting stance by questioning the truth in that statement. Is it true that you MUST do well? How about you would prefer to do well but it doesn’t mean you MUST do well.
2. If you tell yourself how awful it is when you don’t do as well as you MUST, what impact does this have on you and achieving your goal?
3. Nobody is perfect and nobody has a perfect life. We are all imperfect and there is no shame in admitting that.
4. Be compassionate to yourself, talk to yourself in a kind caring way. We don’t need to give ourselves a hard time if we don’t do as well as we would have hoped for.
5. Just do your best. You are good enough exactly as you are!
I hope these tips help you next time you catch yourself overreacting, I’m here if you need any further help or assistance. Counselling in the Taunton Deane area.
Tel : 07967 753 460
Email: [email protected]