Open post

We don’t talk about depression. I don’t want to appear weak!

I want to reach out to the guys out there who are struggling to make sense of how you are feeling and not being able to articulate it for fear of appearing to beunmanly”.

Feelings, emotions, depression .. Yuk, we don’t talk about that stuff. It’s too girly right?

Sorry to break the stigma, but here’s why you are wrong.

For as long as you are a human being who has a brain, you will have an amygdala which is an almond-shaped set of neurons located in the limbic centre of your brain which will create emotions such as anger, anxiety and disgust. 

The amygdala is responsible for the “fight or flight” reactions you have (which come in really handy when you need to flee from a very dangerous situation). We need the amygdala as it’s useful, the message is “Better safe than sorry” but it can be overused.

So here is the paradox:

As long as you are bottling up all these feelings and emotions, it’s likely that you are behaving in a defensive way that’s not particularly helpful. Ie. Drinking too much, self medicating, taking drugs, overeating on junk food, womanising or withdrawing from friends, family and the world in general.

Some questions for you to answer:

Do you honestly believe it’s a good idea to ignore these emotions and feelings?

How’s this working for you so far? Has 2018 been a good year?

What impact is it having on your work, your relationship, friendships and family?

These aren’t the behaviours of a “manly gentleman” so I would conclude that if you want to make a positive change in your life, it’s time to be brave and open up. It’s about saying “actually I am struggling and I would like to address some of these issues as I am not coping as well as i’d like to”.

You are not a failure/unworthy/a loser/an idiot/disgusting/no good/worthless or any other labels you may use against yourself as you feel hopeless and helpless.

These are just some of the unhealthy irrational beliefs that could do with being examined with the help of a professionally trained therapist.

– Psychotherapy is about giving your mind the same attention you would give your body if you wanted to improve your muscle tone and fitness. Let’s just call it a “mind gym”

– It’s about opening up and sharing this stuff you’ve been carrying around and then feeling better for offloading it to someone who really listens and “gets it”.  You are not alone in feeling this way.

– It’s about being brave enough to look at these emotions in a helpful and supported manner rather than dismissing them and wondering why they aren’t going away on their own or keep popping back up.

– It’s about feeling safe, supported, understood and having the time to address your negative thoughts so you can finally seeing a positive outcome for your future.

If you want to have a brief chat about your situation, please get in contact with me after all 2019 is a new year and maybe, just maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Please do not suffer in silence – Call or text me on 07967 753460

Open post

Am I worthy of love and belonging?

Question: Am I worthy of love and belonging?

How would you answer this question?

Does that depend on whether you are in a loving relationship, being loved by friends and family, or being valued and appreciated for who you are and what you do.

All of these share one characteristic, they are part of your outer world and all it can do is mirror your inner state of being in love back to you.

Whatever you are on the inside is always reflected in your reality, in the people and situations that are part of your journey.

I spent most of my twenties and thirties analysing my disastrous love life. On the inside I suffered with anxiety, shame, low self worth and an ingrained belief that I was a failure (now and then resulting in very mild depression). My reality taught me some very difficult life lessons.

Fed up, lonely, disappointed and at my wits end, I hit rock bottom back in 2012. I needed help, so armed with sheer determination and courage along with a profound realisation that I was creating this reality (blaming others ran its course until this point), I decided to face my shadow self and seek out Avy Joseph as he was recommended to me by my flatmate for improving self worth.

So there we have it, I was introduced to a pioneering form of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy called Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT for short). It took just 6 counselling sessions to change 3 irrational beliefs that I had been carrying around for approx. 15 years +

Some of the insights I now have and will share with you.

  • You and I are worthy of love and belonging 
  • We would prefer not to be negatively judged by others but if we are we can accept ourselves regardless
  • There are always going to be girls/guys out there who are prettier/more handsome than you and I
  • Be yourself and be authentic. You are who you are.
  • We are human beings. Therefore, we are unique individuals with strengths, weaknesses and a constellation of traits and abilities.  

Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom before we are motivated to change. It can be slightly scary facing your shadow self and seek help but it’s the most effective and transformational thing you could possibly do to change your reality for the better.

If you want to gain some useful insight by having counselling, then seek out a CBT therapist like myself and take the first step.

You can contact me by phone, email or Skype for a free confidential consultation about your own circumstances.

Scroll to top