Setting boundaries is an important part of establishing one’s identity and is a crucial aspect of mental health and wellbeing.
Do you ever regret saying “Yes” to something when you really didn’t want to do it?
Do you wish you spoke up a bit more rather than being passive and “going with the flow” to keep the peace?
Have you ever wondered why you don’t have enough time for yourself?
Are you starting to feel resentful and angry towards someone whilst feeling guilty for feeling this way at the same time?
Hmm… Does this sound like you?
I’m sure like most people, you can resonate with some or all of these problems.
We are scared of confrontation, being rejected/abandoned, negative judgement and just want to sweep things under the carpet for an easy life.
Sadly by doing all those things, it can have a huge detrimental affect in all areas of our lives (work, relationships, family life, friendships, finances).
Setting boundaries is essential if we went to be both physically and emotionally healthy.
What are Boundaries?
Boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around them and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits (outofthefog.net)
To understand the importance of having healthy boundaries, you only have to consider how much it costs you by not having healthy boundaries and lacking assertiveness.
Do you believe your opinion is not important and remain passive or do you become aggressive and believe you are entitled to have things done your way?
Communication Styles
Have you thought about the consequences of being passive or aggressive?
PASSIVE ASSERTIVE AGGRESSIVE
You’re okay, I’m not I’m okay, you’re okay I’m okay, you’re not
For both parties to be happy, quite often there needs to be a compromise. I’m okay, you are okay. Sounds fair enough right?!
Learning to show compassion and kindness to yourself is crucial in setting healthy boundaries.
What you can choose to say!
No thank you, it’s not for me. However I do really appreciate you asking me to come with you
It’s not okay with me that you continue turning up late when i’ve prepared dinner for us both.
I’m not willing to tolerate continuous bad behaviour and I only want to spend time with people who respect and care about me
Tips for setting healthy boundaries
– Communicate very clearly what it is that you would like to change.
– Be prepared for pushback. This is likely to happen so don’t back down and give in.
– Just remain calm and assertive and remain strong. Mixed messages and giving in later isn’t a boundary (unless it’s a compromise that you are happy with)
– You will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed to start with but sit with those feelings and allow them to pass. You have a right to self care and you need to start somewhere.
It takes time to set boundaries as it is a process, it’s going to feel challenging and uncomfortable but be prepared for that.
Quite often, I find that my clients become more boundaries and assertive near the end of our therapy journey.
Much of the work we do together is developing self worth and learning to value themselves as worthy human beings. We need to respect and care about our own wellbeing before we can teach other people to treat us accordingly.
In order to create healthy boundaries, we need to be vulnerable and authentic (we do this by opening up and sharing what we really feel instead of just pretending we are okay!). This comes with inner strength and it’s incredibly empowering!
Contact details for more information
If you would like to know more about how I work or have any questions, please feel free to send me a private message – or you can text me: 07967 753460
Here is a link to a lovely guided meditation : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhY760PtNxM
“An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way.” ~Harriet Lerner
Eliminate toxic persons from your life – Those who want to manipulate, control and abuse you.